


"I don't want material belongings! I want my heart back!"

by ak47_and_britt



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Angst, One Shot, bechloe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:35:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ak47_and_britt/pseuds/ak47_and_britt
Summary: Angst fanfiction. A promp sent to my Tumblr.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Original Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	"I don't want material belongings! I want my heart back!"

Chloe had her heart irreparably broken last year. It was festive enough that snow had started to fall in Brooklyn around her little studio apartment, but not enough into winter that people had begun putting up decorations. Except for her of course. It was Chloe, and Christmas decorations in October we're perfectly justified, she thought. 

The apartment smelt of pumpkin thanks to the strongly scented candle on the fireplace. Chloe was sat on the couch, reading a book with her glasses perched on her face, holding a mug of hot chocolate. She was excited for Beca's return home, she missed her lately what with her increasing work schedule and the arising arguments. Chloe couldn't wrap her head around this. Beca had been her Beca since college, they did not argue. They didn't. Yet, its all they found themselves doing lately. There was a disturbing era around the apartment when they hit this phase in their relationship, Chloe thought she could feel the ghost of herself and Beca taunting them, looking out at them hauntingly, a constant reminder of who they once were. Chloe's hidden all their old photos in their apartment. It's too painful to think of who they once we're. She can still feel the way Baca's soft finger tips trace her palms and skim up her arms, barely touching her, leaving goose bumps in their wake. She tortures herself with memories of Beca's lips softly brushing against hers. It seemed so unachievable to get back to that kind of relationship with Beca, one with vibrating passion and excessive love. An unspoken connection shown through the way their eyes lock and hold each others soft gazes. 

Chloe shook her head harshly, trying to rid her mind of Beca until she's home, wanting to cross that bridge when she gets to it. She knew it was no use though. She gets the urge to distract herself and be productive, but her mind and her body we're two separate things nowadays. She'd get so caught up in replaying things about Beca, she wouldn't notice herself slide down on to the couch, laying, crying hopelessly. She was so unhappy, yet still so in love with this woman, she's never experienced anything like this before. She was completely, and utterly, love sick. Her brain throwing up random bits of Beca, making her cry and shake until all that's left is drooping eyelids. She doesn't do much during the day anymore, taking some holiday time off from work because of her mental health and how bad its doing at the moment. By the time she reaches her bed, Beca's already there, walking straight to it when she gets home from work. And this is how her life was going at the moment. Day in and day out. Some monotonous clock going round and around, reliving the same day over and over again. It was exhausting, and she was beginning to hate everything. Chloe was a bright, bubbly person. seeing everything she passes as thriving with life and love. The world was art in itself, anything can be added and mixed to make it more beautiful, vibrant, enjoyable. But now? She'd developed blindness to colour. She can't see the brightness in the world at the moment. She can't see that line where the light hits the sea because it was all blackness. It consumed her. 

Today wasn't any different. Beca tries to sneak her way past her girlfriend when arriving back from work. She's noticed the shift in hers and Chloe's relationship, but if she pushes her feelings down and avoids it, nothing will have changed. Except, tonight Chloe doesn't let Beca sneak past "unnoticed."  
"Becs," Chloe says softly, in a somewhat defeated tone. It makes Beca's heart hurt, to know that she is behind such attitude. That she is the person that made the unstoppable Chloe Beale give up. Beca hangs her head, silently cursing herself for everything that's shifted between them, for not keeping the redhead as her main priority, as she stopped in her tracks. And for the first time in forever, she doesn't know what to say to her girlfriend of 3 year, and best friend of 5. All the air has gone from her lungs, she's drowning in Beca's stormy blue eyes, she didn't realize that she had actually stopped breathing.  
"Chlo," Beca says softly, as if trying not to startle Chloe who looks like she's seen a ghost. And in her defence she sort of has. Beca has changed. She's skinnier, and she looks exhausted. Chloe mentally kicks herself for not thinking about how Beca's taken this whole stage of their relationship, immediately feeling guilt, love and confusion when she looks at Beca. 

Beca sits next to Chloe and puts her hand on top of hers. Chloe jumps at the alien action and feeling of Beca's hand against hers, which was both comforting and disturbing. Beca takes her hand back.  
"What are we doing, Chlo?" Beca asks, equally defeated as her girlfriend. She was sick of feeling this way, avoiding her own girlfriend and not feeling comfortable around her anymore. This shift was so sudden and a extreme surprise for both of them. But they're still both found in this pit of miscommunication, letting the strange phase control and determine them as a couple. Chloe tries to steady her breath. Where was she going with this? Her hands are sweating and she's dizzy, she cannot deal with this right now. She doesn't answer Beca, so Beca carries on unprompted.  
"Why are we still together?" she asks quietly. 

Something kick-starts Chloe into action then. She looks up at Beca frowning through tears that formed as soon as she heard the question leave her girlfriends mouth. Something dropped in her stomach, she feels genuinely sick.  
"Becs, we love each other," Chloe says voice breaking, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks as she sniffs, looking at her intertwined fingers because looking at the brunette is too much. She cannot imagine her life without Beca, she wants her. No, she needs her. Her careless badass attitude balances her overly bubbly personality. Under any other circumstances, they work fine together, why can't Beca see that. Beca shakes her head at this. Now Chloe really is going to be sick, she can feel the sourness build up in her throat as more tears spill from her eyes. She chokes back a sob, Beca's started silently crying at this point, eyeliner and mascara running down her face slowly.  
"Do we?" She asks, voice thick with emotion. Chloe bites her lip trying to control her tears, now she's starting to feel angry too, so Beca's just going to give up? Why is Chloe even surprised? Typical Beca, right? 

"Nice, so you're just going to bail? You're not going to stick around and fight for our relationship? Jesus Beca! That's not how it works, it's not always going to be perfect this is natural, if you bail every time the slightest thing goes wrong then you'll never get anywhere!" Chloe gets angrier and angrier the more she speaks, until she's shouting at Beca who's now stopped crying. The smaller girl looks slightly taken aback, but Chloe knows how stubborn she is. She's not going to back down, the redhead suddenly regrets this approach, she always gets a better response from Beca when she's patient with her. Chloe let her emotions take over for a moment, and now she regrets it.  
"There's no point fighting for something that's not there anymore, Chloe."  
That hurt Chloe. Beca never uses her full name, they're becoming strangers right before her own eyes. Chloe's desperately trying to hang onto this life that was so revolved and breathed of Beca's existence, because she couldn't stop loving Beca in the same way she couldn't stop breathing. Chloe knew that for a fact.  
"So you don't love me anymore?" It takes Chloe a moment to be able to utter this sentence, being so upset that her emotions were choking down her throat and for a while all that came out were strangled gargles. She was also preparing herself, asking herself if she really wanted to know the answer. She didn't, but she needed to if this was happening, it would make it easier to get over Beca. 

Beca pauses. She does love Chloe. She loves her with everything she's got, but she's not sure they're meant to be anymore. It used to be so easy, being around her gave her an indefinite sense of security and love, now when she's around Chloe she only feels guilt and sadness. She doesn't know where this shift came from. Maybe it was supposed to happen because they weren't meant to be with each other, so the universe is speeding up the break up. She knows what she needs to tell Chloe to make her get over her easier. To ensure she won't chase her down when she packs and leaves her. She needs to make it convincing.  
"No, Chloe, I don't love you. I thought I did but that's just the hormonal teenager in me that associates you with those excessive feelings we all go through at that age. You aren't it for me in the real world, I need to escape this bubble and stop pretending that you are." Beca takes a deep breath, that killed her a little bit. She's screaming at herself inside. Why the hell did she have to be so stubborn? Why can't she stay and sort this out with Chloe instead of pushing her away so she doesn't have to experience anymore pain? Chloe hugs her arms around herself and closes her eyes tightly, tilting her head towards the ceiling. The needs to compose herself. She's biting her lip so hard to avoid crying out that she tastes her own blood. That sort of pain she can deal with. This, however, was like taking a rolling pin to her heart, squashing and rolling it out, being walked over in a sense. 

Chloe doesn't respond. She doesn't know how to and then Beca's moving again. Proceeding to their bedroom making a lot of noise. Chloe follows her to stand at their doorframe, watching Beca pack her clothes into a duffel bag.  
"You're leaving now?" Chloe questions, surprised. It's not too late, nine o'clock to be exact, but still, it was sort of unnecessary. Chloe wasn't going to stop her though. The more you try get Beca to do one thing, the more she will do the opposite.  
"Yeah, I need to get out of here," Beca responds, voice shaking head looking down. Chloe just signs.  
"Okay," she says, voice small. She won't stop her, her heart will only hurt the more Beca would resists what she has to say anyway. 

An hour passes and Beca has left, Chloe didn't say anything else to her, didn't watch her leave and didn't say goodbye. She's gone. And its crazy to try and process because it doesn't feel real whatsoever. This was one of the biggest emotional blows she has experienced in her life, she feels like a weathered flag relentlessly being tested as it stands by the sea. Winds from the ocean messing it up. Beca was like wind, Chloe thought. 

It would be a huge understatement to say that this is the hardest break up Chloe has ever encountered. Because this was on another level, another world entirely. And her personality underwent a complete 180 turn. She was another Beca. Another soul walking the earth not trusting anyone, not letting anyone in, and taking part in at least 1 sexual encounter a week, always different people, in hopes to get over Beca. She was still doing this after a year had passed in the break up. Whoever said time heals was clearly lying, Chloe thought. She had this thought whilst on a walk 3 months after the separation, she subconsciously walked to Beca's new house, she knew she lived there because she helped her moved some of her stuff over. Yeah, time might heal a broken heart eventually, but time won't heal that bitches window, Chloe thought. At least she was feeling anger, that must mean she's on the way to closure, right? 

But now, a year had passed and Chloe still misses Beca. It's Chloe's birthday tomorrow, she'll be spending it alone like a lot of her days lately, only opting to see Aubrey now and again. She has no motivation to meet up with people. Unless it's someone who doesn't know her, so she can avoid any of those sympathy conversations. Chloe's new favourite place was the local bar, where she was now. She was dancing up next to some pretty girl with blonde hair and green eyes, she reminded Chloe kind of like a cat, she was taller than Beca though. It still didn't feel right holding anyone not Beca-sized.  
"Wanna come back to my place?" Chloe questions, keeping a flirty tone in her voice trying to convince the girl to go home with her. She didn't need much convincing and within ten minutes Chloe has the blonde, she's pretty sure is called Abby, pinned against the door. Suddenly, Chloe's phone rings, she checks the time. 12 o'clock. Strange time for her to receive any phone calls. Abby groans at the noise and Chloe looks at her apologetically.  
"Hey, why don't you wait for me in the bedroom? I'll meet you there in five," the redhead tells her with a wink. Abby walks off slowly and Chloe hears her unzipping her dress through the thin wall, smirking as she answers the phone. 

"Hello?" she says slowly, wondering who could possibly be ringing her.  
"Hey Chlo, Happy Birthday," says the voice. Chloe knows immediately who it is on the other side of that call, but she doesn't trust herself completely. She might be missing Beca so much that she's actually imagining hearing her voice.  
"Who is this?" Chloe questions, voice hesitant.  
"It's Beca," the voice says. Ah, so it was her ex girlfriend. Calling her to say happy birthday for some strange reason. And we've gone back to her calling me Chlo? Chloe thinks as an afterthought before responding.  
"How come you called for that?" Chloe said. Why, after all this time was Chloe reaching out to her now? It's not fair, she's not ready, she's still in love with this woman who broke her heart. Beca seems shocked by Chloe's response, obviously not knowing all the ways she's changed since the break up, wary of every human, especially Beca.  
"I don't know, um, okay, so I've kinda sent you a present in the mail? Is should be there tom-"  
"What?" Chloe says ice cold. What. The. Hell. What was Beca trying to accomplish here? what game was she playing, because honestly? Chloe's hurt hasn't hurt this much since high school algebra. She hates anything that confusing. It frustrates her. Beca takes a deep breath after hearing Chloe's tone, pausing yet again to try and say something.  
"For you birthday," she begins, but Chloe's already interrupting her again. She clearly can't hold back what she wants to say to Beca any longer.  
"I don't want material belongings! I want my heart back!" Chloe shouts down the phone momentarily forgetting that she's stood at her bedroom door which Abby is waiting for her behind. Beca sighs. She regrets this, everything she's done to Chloe, she just wants her back. God, it was the most awful year of her life, why does she ruin everything?

Chloe's bedroom door opens revealing a very naked, and concerned looking, Abby.  
"C'mon Chloe lets go to bed," she says. Chloe doesn't know whether or not Abby heard what she just shouted, but she does know that Beca has heard Abby. Chloe knows because Beca gasps in surprise. Before Chloe can react or process anything that's going on Abby is placing open mouth kisses on her neck, making as much sound as possible. The line goes dead. 

Chloe rolls in her bed and grabs her phone to check the time. Six o'clock. She turns back around and shakes the body next to her, waking Abby up.  
"Hey, I'm sorry it's just, I have work soon so you're going to have to leave," Chloe says. She doesn't have work soon. She doesn't even have work today, but that's the best thing about one night stands, she can be and say what she wants. Within the next half an hour Abby is gone and Chloe cannot get back to sleep, replaying her conversation with Beca in her mind. She can't take it any longer. She's going to have to ring her. Before she can there's a knock at her door, Chloe being naked, shots on a dressing gown and goes to answer.

Beca. Beca is stood here, at their old apartment, looking at Chloe crying.  
"Who is she?" Beca mutters. "I need to know, I haven't slept since that phone call, just tell me Chlo and I'll be out of your hair." And Chloe was going to tell her that she was nothing significant straight away, but she's enjoying this. She enjoys Beca being so honest in front of her, being so hurt, Chloe thinks she deserves it, but after a while she cracks, softening as always for Beca.  
"She's no one, Becs, just some daft fling," Chloe says softly widening the door to let Beca in, which she accepts gratefully. She still seems upset about this news, which Chloe found strange, she found the whole situation strange. Her chest tightens more and more the more she looks at Beca, also her heart knows what she's caused and her body is trying to protect herself. It was a frightening thought. 

"Do you do that much?" Beca asks after a moment. Chloe looks at her confused. "The one night stands?" Beca elaborates. There seems to be a hopeful tone to her voice, but Chloe's not sure.  
"Erm, like once a week," Chloe answers truthfully, "but I'm guessing you've been involved in some people since we broke up." She looking at Beca pointedly, because she cannot come to Chloe's apartment and start acting like she's the horrible one for trying to get over Beca. Chloe won't have it. Beca broke her heart, it wasn't fair.  
"No. No one since you," Beca says quietly looking at the floor, as if ashamed by this. Chloe begins feeling guilty against her own will. She shakes her head. No. She shouldn't feel guilty, Beca brought all of this on herself. She left her, just because they were going through a rough patch, it wasn't Chloe's fault.  
"What do you want Beca?" Chloe asks, sighing as if she's fed up. And if she was being honest, she kind of is, she can't keep up with all the emotions, the confusion, the games. Beca shuffles her feet and pulls at her hair nervously. The action plummets Chloe into this nostalgia, she thought she might cry and laugh at it. She wanted to kiss Beca, to wipe her tears away from her and comfort her, but she also wanted to slap her for ever leaving. 

"You," she says after a moment. "You're all I ever wanted and I took it for granted when we we're together. I loved you, I still do, the only difference is, now I know how much. I know how much I cant live without you. I know how much I want to fight tooth and nail to want to spend my life with you, and it's all my fault that were not doing that. I wanted you to know that I know how much I fucked up." She's crying again at this point and Chloe doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know whether to accept this and Beca back into her life at risk of being hurt again. Or if she should run for the hills. 

"I don't know what to do with that." Is what she says.

**Author's Note:**

> Send me prompts on here or on Tumblr - ak47-and-britt


End file.
